My New Girlfriend Has a Loose and Easy Sexual History and It’s Making Me Very Uncomfortable

I recently got into a relationship with an older more experienced woman. I am 24 and she is 28 divorced with two kids, both different fathers and neither by her ex-husband. Her past bothers me because right up until she met me she was sleeping with multiple partners. I found this out just by asking her. She would claim them as being “friends.” Now every time I she refers to someone as “a friend” I automatically assume the worst and I’ve been right 80% of the time.
One of these so-called “friends” plays with me on our pool team. He was just having sex with her and nothing more (is this right)? I feel very uncomfortable being there, as well as being around people she had sex with just for the heck of it.

She gets upset and reassures me, tells me not to worry and that she loves me. I’m just having trouble believing her! She has done and said so many things with such content, I don’t want to ruin my love for her but at the same time she should know that emotionally it hurts my feelings. Thank you.

David S.

Dear David,

Flatly, she is not the woman for you. Why are you trying to force yourself to modify your desires in regards to the quality of the woman you affiliate yourself with? Why are you trying to compromise your morals and align them with the morals and values of your partner when they are so vastly different? If you don’t live your own life in such a manner and having sex with someone really MEANS something to you, then you have every right to expect a partner that has similar sexual values. But a double standard here would make you a hypocrite, and I truly hope that isn’t the case.

Dating a single parent isn’t in itself a bad thing. There are many women (and men) parenting children from broken marriages, or that had relationships when younger that resulted in a pregnancy. But responsible single parents don’t make it a habit to have multiple sexual partners in their homes all over their children! It confuses children and when we care about our children’s emotional and mental state as much or more than we care about our sex lives, we take these things into consideration and make choices accordingly.

All in all I would say that she is obviously not a virtuous “lady” which is what you deeply desire in your heart. You don’t really want a woman that is a “round the way” girl or that has sport sex. So why continue wasting your time with this scallywag “baby momma” and her associated drama?

Tell her its not going to work and then go find a young woman of class and morals that is at the same stage of life as you are. I think you will find such a relationship much less confusing and a lot more satisfying.