When Can Men Date Again?

I’ve dated a lot of guys and feel like most of them go from relationship to relationship like nothing ever mattered to them. Did the relationship mean nothing? Were they sad? Hurt? Or are they just covering up their hurt by showing off their new girlfriend? Men, I’ve come to figure if you go straight from one relationship to another with no reflection time in between you are almost guaranteeing the new relationship will be doomed.

Think I am wrong? Look at everyone you know who seems to constantly be in and out of relationships and then look at those who make them work for a long time. What is the difference? The second group takes the time to figure out what went wrong on both sides and doesn’t repeat the same mistakes with the new person.

dating again

You might wonder what the heck I know or why you should continue reading this article. Well I learned this the best way possible; I sat back and watched all my exes do it the wrong way too many times. They hurt themselves, and the women they were involved with because they just weren’t ready for a new relationship because they were still dealing with the last one. Ok, I’ve made some mistakes too, but you must repeat repeat: “I must process the loss before I try again and there is no emotional laxative to move this along faster.”

How long you ask? Well I’ve been told that according to the book “Dating Rules for Men” (DT) at least 6 months. I think it’s wrong because they are just numbers and don’t take into account the emotional, spritual, physical connection, the length of the relationship and how it ended. So for shits and giggles, I made my own formula.

The first component is time of the relationship, which I will call T and it will be in units of months (M). Second is sex (S), how often (Qn), and how good was it (Qual). That will be expressed by (S x Qn) x Qual. If you have met each others family that has to be figured, so we will count the number of times (X) and if holidays (H) are included that bumps it up big time. So (F x X) + (H x X)2. The last item is if you were or are seeing a therapist (Shri) and how often (V).

((T x M) + ((S x Qn) x Qual) + ((F x X) + (H x X)2) ) / (Shri x V) = number of months before you should enter a new relationship

Ok I don’t really know if this works so someone please try it out and let me know. I’m going to stop here because I am just trying to make my point. Clear your head and your heart before starting up with someone new. Sure you can date but keep it very casual and if you feel yourself getting emotionally involved before you hit the number you calculated above my suggestion is to back off or you could end up right back where you started from and have to do the time and reflection all over again.

My New Girlfriend Has a Loose and Easy Sexual History and It’s Making Me Very Uncomfortable

I recently got into a relationship with an older more experienced woman. I am 24 and she is 28 divorced with two kids, both different fathers and neither by her ex-husband. Her past bothers me because right up until she met me she was sleeping with multiple partners. I found this out just by asking her. She would claim them as being “friends.” Now every time I she refers to someone as “a friend” I automatically assume the worst and I’ve been right 80% of the time.
One of these so-called “friends” plays with me on our pool team. He was just having sex with her and nothing more (is this right)? I feel very uncomfortable being there, as well as being around people she had sex with just for the heck of it.

She gets upset and reassures me, tells me not to worry and that she loves me. I’m just having trouble believing her! She has done and said so many things with such content, I don’t want to ruin my love for her but at the same time she should know that emotionally it hurts my feelings. Thank you.

Signed,
David S.

Dear David,

Flatly, she is not the woman for you. Why are you trying to force yourself to modify your desires in regards to the quality of the woman you affiliate yourself with? Why are you trying to compromise your morals and align them with the morals and values of your partner when they are so vastly different? If you don’t live your own life in such a manner and having sex with someone really MEANS something to you, then you have every right to expect a partner that has similar sexual values. But a double standard here would make you a hypocrite, and I truly hope that isn’t the case.

Dating a single parent isn’t in itself a bad thing. There are many women (and men) parenting children from broken marriages, or that had relationships when younger that resulted in a pregnancy. But responsible single parents don’t make it a habit to have multiple sexual partners in their homes all over their children! It confuses children and when we care about our children’s emotional and mental state as much or more than we care about our sex lives, we take these things into consideration and make choices accordingly.

All in all I would say that she is obviously not a virtuous “lady” which is what you deeply desire in your heart. You don’t really want a woman that is a “round the way” girl or that has sport sex. So why continue wasting your time with this scallywag “baby momma” and her associated drama?

Tell her its not going to work and then go find a young woman of class and morals that is at the same stage of life as you are. I think you will find such a relationship much less confusing and a lot more satisfying.

The Best Dating Advice for a Healthy Relationship

Nowadays, dating has become easier and better due to technology since you can meet people online. The best thing about technology is that it offers you a variety of choices to choose from before picking the person you want to start dating. However, at times we tend to push away people who might be good matches for us because we don’t have an immediate liking for them. We tend to assume that there’s still someone better out there for us, so we keep searching just to end up with the wrong match. If only we took the time to focus on the relationship in front of us, then we wouldn’t waste time in search of what we are not sure of.

Before the onset of technology, starting a relationship was difficult since most people lack the confidence to approach strangers. However, technology has made dating simpler for individuals who aren’t good at interacting with other people face to face, and the primary form of communication is often texting. Although we might communicate on a daily basis with dates we’ve met online, there’s still a lot of catching up to do when you meet physically since the relationship is virtual.

dating advice online

Here five tips for successful dating in this digital era:

Avoid texting

When building a new relationship, avoid communicating through text. Always communicate through calls and only use texting as a last resort. Therefore, you should agree with your partner on the circumstances when you can use texting.

Stop searching

Once you’ve found the right companion and you are certain you want to start dating them, you should stop searching the online dating world and spend more time getting to know them. It’s important that you give each person you date your full attention so that the relationship can build a healthy relationship.

Keep off your phone

When on a date, refrain from using your phone or placing it on the table. Instead, pay attention to your new date and actively contribute to the conversation so that the date can be successful.

Keep off your dating profile

While on a date avoid the habit of checking your dating profile, it might send the impression that you have not yet decided whether you want to date the person you are with on the date.

Contemplate

Take time to contemplate what you want. The worst mistake you can make is getting into a relationship when you are not sure it’s what you really want. Once you’ve made a choice, you’ll be willing to do whatever it takes to make it work. Additionally, you should know that relationships will always have differences and challenges, and your reaction will determine the direction it takes.