I’ve dated a lot of guys and feel like most of them go from relationship to relationship like nothing ever mattered to them. Did the relationship mean nothing? Were they sad? Hurt? Or are they just covering up their hurt by showing off their new girlfriend? Men, I’ve come to figure if you go straight from one relationship to another with no reflection time in between you are almost guaranteeing the new relationship will be doomed.
Think I am wrong? Look at everyone you know who seems to constantly be in and out of relationships and then look at those who make them work for a long time. What is the difference? The second group takes the time to figure out what went wrong on both sides and doesn’t repeat the same mistakes with the new person.
You might wonder what the heck I know or why you should continue reading this article. Well I learned this the best way possible; I sat back and watched all my exes do it the wrong way too many times. They hurt themselves, and the women they were involved with because they just weren’t ready for a new relationship because they were still dealing with the last one. Ok, I’ve made some mistakes too, but you must repeat repeat: “I must process the loss before I try again and there is no emotional laxative to move this along faster.”
How long you ask? Well I’ve been told that according to the book “Dating Rules for Men” (DT) at least 6 months. I think it’s wrong because they are just numbers and don’t take into account the emotional, spritual, physical connection, the length of the relationship and how it ended. So for shits and giggles, I made my own formula.
The first component is time of the relationship, which I will call T and it will be in units of months (M). Second is sex (S), how often (Qn), and how good was it (Qual). That will be expressed by (S x Qn) x Qual. If you have met each others family that has to be figured, so we will count the number of times (X) and if holidays (H) are included that bumps it up big time. So (F x X) + (H x X)2. The last item is if you were or are seeing a therapist (Shri) and how often (V).
((T x M) + ((S x Qn) x Qual) + ((F x X) + (H x X)2) ) / (Shri x V) = number of months before you should enter a new relationship
Ok I don’t really know if this works so someone please try it out and let me know. I’m going to stop here because I am just trying to make my point. Clear your head and your heart before starting up with someone new. Sure you can date but keep it very casual and if you feel yourself getting emotionally involved before you hit the number you calculated above my suggestion is to back off or you could end up right back where you started from and have to do the time and reflection all over again.